My laundry is magical.
Now before you start to get excited, I'm not talking fairy dust and rainbows kind of magic. I'm talking thrice cursed type of magic.
Whenever I manage to wash a whole heap of clothes and bedding. Somehow... the hamper always magically fills itself back up. I know what you're thinking, 'it's the hamper'. You might be shocked to find out though, it is not the hamper. I've checked. Turned it inside out and upside down. There aren't any traces of magic. I followed the "5 steps to finding out if your hamper is cursed or otherwise magically inclined" checklist that I found on www.somethingismagicalinmyhouseandidontknowwhatitis.org to a tee.
Complete disclosure though, I did skip the "5 more steps to be absolutely sure your hamper isn't cursed or otherwise magically inclined in case you incorrectly applied the previous 5 steps" checklist. I felt confident enough that I was diligent the first time around. Let's be real here. There are only two factors in this tale and if it ain't the hamper, it must be the laundry.
Pile after pile after pile sees the inside of my washing machine. Tumbling around in an everlasting tsunami of water and detergent. Sweaters, jeans, t-shirts, towels and socks, all getting tangled up in each other, thereby wrinkling the fabric to the absolute max. As it should, obviously. Unwrinkled laundry is simply unnatural. I mean, what would we do with it afterwards? Not iron it?!
Finally after the tumble dry that kind of sounds like a helikopter and incessant banging on a door mix, I hang them up to dry. Depending on the season this can take anywhere from 1 hour to 72 hours. In summer and winter respectively. Winter being the season in which the curse works overtime. The piles become actual mountains then. It's really quite a glorious thing to behold. You know, first thing in the morning after you've woken up from a rather nice night of sleep, which you haven't had in ages, only to step out of bed and be met with the mountain you were sure was only a pile the night before, giving you that special and joyous feeling of dread followed immediately by nonchalant avoidance.
Your avoidance does nothing to counter the curse though. The cursed laundry doesn't care if the hamper is full. If you don't deal with it, it keeps piling on and on and on. Believe me, I've tried ignoring it. That went south real quick. You see, the curse not only fills your hamper, it also empties your closet. Simultaneously!
I know, spooky right? Yeah well, you've now been warned my friends.
Then, after the 7200 hours that it took for the laundry to dry, you get to iron it, fold it and at long last put it back in your closet. You've made it. You can see the bottom of the hamper. You did it! You beat the curse!
Or so you thought.
See there is no way to counter this dark magic, because the very next day you can no longer see the bottom. It's obstructed. By a pair of socks! Somehow it always starts with socks. Innocuous they may seem, but they open the floodgates and before I've folded the last of my clothes neatly and tucked them away where they belong, the hamper is filled yet again.
Keeping me trapped in a neverending cycle.
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